“He still calls me!”
He stands in a classic pose in a corner of my room. He is my Huge Beautiful Wooden ‘Mirror’! It looks exactly like we used to imagine in some vintage fantasy books.
I was in the habit of getting obsessed with myself when I get to look in that mirror!
‘A Sense of Overconfidence’, ‘Toxic Positivity’, ‘Self-beautification’, ‘Over-Optimism’ and what not! Yes, and this was just because there was always someone at my place, who used to ignite me with those Over-motivating Booster Doses like “We admire you, bro! You Can Do Anything!”
But in reality, I couldn’t :-(
Not even any stupid common things :-/
What I did was I just Fake!
Then why do I get to see such a perfect IMAGE when I look in that mirror every fu*king day?
Later I realized, the problem was not about the Image, it was about the ‘MIRROR’!
My mirror always showed me the exact image that I was ever mad to see.
‘A Great Large Picture of Myself’!
One day last October, I left my home. Leaving my home for the first time in the last 22 years and that too for such a long time, have never introduced me to any of the MIRRORS that could have helped me survive in some Unknown, Strange, Dark, and Real Spaces. These spaces were ‘Of Course NOT’ from my head, but the ones ‘Full of The DEADS’!
No one was there ‘To Boost Me Up’, ‘Charge Me When Needed’, ‘Give Me A Sense of Hope’, ‘Not Even A Single TRUE Useful Advice’. I felt like I was in a ‘Graveyard’.
Today even, sometimes, on the calm and spooky nights, my brain keeps searching for that One Huge Wooden Vintage Mirror nearby!
I always kept searching for that ‘One Huge Perfect Mirror’ and missed the existence of the Numerous Mirrors that were there At Every Corner, Under Every Roof, and On Every Wall. Some of them were just to scare me, some to judge, some to criticize, to dominate, and sometimes to KILL too! These mirrors were not there simply for any reflections, or projections, but were there for some ‘Realisations’ and ‘Introspections’ which I never thought the need of my time was!
Somewhere around 7,000 km far away from all my comforts, whenever I used to get shrouded by ‘The Fairest Skinned People’ from the globe (The very own Germans), made me think of the ‘Darkness of my skin’!
Their Monochromatic Lifestyle, Cultural Beliefs, Stubbornness With Language, and Lonely and Scary Roads on the Unhappening Sundays always kept me in massive trauma. It was a constant discomfort that made me realize whether am I in a better place or NOT? Because it wasn’t much of a while since I had a daily habit of hearing some Over-motivating Booster Doses.
“We admire you, bro! You Can Do Anything!”
But this was not the time when I should fake! In fact, I can’t. And also, I realized, I should not have those days too…
It was the period from the last six months when I was begging for some support. And on a random day that one thing helped!
‘BREATH!’
Even though at this level of discomfort, I was fortunate enough that nothing was stopping me from breathing. I can still stand firmly on two of my legs.
Maybe when I used to get obsessed with myself when I looked in that mirror, I must have recognized that, behind that over beautification of the self, somewhere there was Pure Grace, behind that overconfidence there was a Strong Self-Belief, behind that toxic positivity and optimism there was a Hope quoting that “Tomorrow, The Sun Will Be More Bright”!
I slowly and steadily acquired some guts. At least, I cross-questioned my dilemma. If this place is not better for me, then which would be?
“I think there is ‘NO’ Better Place for Survival unless ‘You Survive, and Make One Even More Better’.”
As what doesn’t kill you, ‘Makes You Stronger!
Our brain always keeps us telling a story, of course, ‘A Lie’ that helps us Feel Alive, Feel Considered, and Feel Significant. And apart from that, everything that comes as a surprise becomes a reason for ‘FEAR’!
But today, I find a strong potential in the fact that, for the stars to gaze, one must wait till it’s the darkest hour of the night. The moment only when one breaks his comfort zone, it lets your brain construct ‘Everlasting Memories’! Otherwise, the rest of your brain is nothing but just ‘Messed Up Patterns’!
An average human spends almost his entire lifespan just to realize and regret every time with the one shitty fact that “Life would have been much better if I have ACCEPTED it more before.”
And I am not talking about only the acceptance of your achievements, but the acceptance of losses that have made you ignorant with the hopes of achieving your greatest victories.
Man’s greatest enemy is not failure, but the fear of having failure!
So, today I not only encourage the one who I am but also the one who I CAN NEVER BE. Because if I ever chose to become the one I was not, I would never have been the one whom I was today!
Maybe, I am at this place for a reason. A reason that is indeed supposed to be found by ME only.
And it’s also fine if the day comes when I am not able to find the reason why am I here.
Because even at final miles, I’ll be conscious enough To Be Responsible for ‘What I Did’, ‘Why I Did So’, ‘How I Felt, Thought’, and ‘How I Behaved’.
Yeah, it is also a bitter truth that no one is going to thank me for accepting the way I am or accepting the place I stand right now. As most of them are busy figuring out the mess that occurs when you prioritize ‘How People Should Think Of Who You Are’ and you simply ignore accepting ‘The Way Really You Are’!
Ultimately, everything comes to an experience that someday drives you to achieve Better Productivity, Immense Satisfaction, Total Peace, and A Thankful and Sharing nature.
A very famous Bollywood movie has once quoted that “Life is a Race”, but I would simply add to it that, “Life is a Race, where we participate to ‘Contribute’ Not to ‘Compete’.”
So feel proud of yourselves as you’ve arrived too far from where you’ve started. Acceptance tastes like a pudding. In the same way, a pudding should not be ignored even though it comes at the end of the meal,
ACCEPTANCE is something that has to be ‘Rewarded’ to feel the flavor of satisfaction!
This article is written by a good friend of mine Neeraj Garud, currently based in Germany, who is an Engineer, Theatre Practitioner, and Experimentalist… High five and cheers buddy :-)
To know more about Neeraj, please follow him on - Twitter | LinkedIn | Instagram
If you want to share anything or have any suggestions/questions, please leave them in the comments!
That’s it for today :-)
Hope each of you has a great start to your day. I’ll talk to everyone tomorrow.
— Amit
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