“I have a Fear of Failure!”
This is not because I am afraid of the consequences I’ll feel after the loss, but because I don’t even know a single piece about how would I feel when “I won’t be a winner anymore”! It’s with me. Maybe it is a light case of ‘Grandios Delusion’ (A delusion when one has a false belief about one’s greatness or skills).
Frankly speaking, I was not an excellent student in my academics but the one who has somehow decoded a ‘Jugaadu’ way to crack the examinations and load the pockets with a Big Fatty Score. I was pretty stranger about the feeling of what we call ‘Getting Academically Failed :-( ’. I neither had experienced it before nor have I till the day.
But “SAD”! Because it has led me to experience a day that makes me feel “Why Haven’t I Ever Failed?” It’s tough to get succeed, even tougher to hold the success, but toughest to be under the fear when you won’t be considered a winner anymore!
And then today is the day when I am at a place around 7,000 km from my home, my comfort, my image, and my impressions. I sense a feeling of pride while breaking my comfort zone at every step, every single day, with and within every single moment. I admit that I may do it with a tremendous rage, irritation, doubts, defeats, and cries BUT it’s bit by bit, slowly, surely, maybe in a rhythm, maybe like a poem.
‘A poet can decide the path of the poem but can never decide its destination!’ Because at the last mile, the intention gets matured, and the motifs get fulfilled, just like it has found some solace within! You can no more feel any disturbance you had in the beginning. It’s a PEACE you have that you never thought of getting when you have started. AND I accept firmly that it was only possible because at every moment I kept telling myself that “FORGET WHOM YOU WERE YESTERDAY!” Forget the image you had the night before. You should not remember the wins that you had before the last sunset.
Because when you think of the same and constant desire to do what we call ‘STEP UP’ from the last phases, you walk with a ‘Fear of Falling’ at the bottom and terror of losing the steps you’ve accomplished. Success never counts on the assumptions that you have made before of getting succeeded.
Consider the ‘SURVIVAL’ as an ultimate battle.
Tears need to be shed to win Big Battles!
So forget the identity you once had, as you must “Ruin Your Reputation to Grow ‘More’!”
This article is written by a good friend of mine Neeraj Garud, currently based in Germany, who is an Engineer, Theatre Practitioner, and Experimentalist… High five and cheers buddy :-)
To know more about Neeraj, please follow him on - Twitter | LinkedIn | Instagram
If you want to share anything or have any suggestions/questions, please leave them in the comments!
That’s it for today :-)
Hope each of you has a great start to your day. I’ll talk to everyone tomorrow.
— Amit
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